Cutting-Edge Stupidity
Last year, while I was going around the mixed bag that is the internet, I came across philosophical razors. While the name itself suggests some sort of ethereal weapon which can cut concepts or something equally fantastical (well, at least it does to my comic-book brain), the reality is that they are in fact certain methods and techniques of thought which allows people to slice away moronic explanations and ideas from consideration. Indeed, most people subconsciously use these in their daily life; however, awareness of them allows one to see their shortcomings and generally makes for a simpler, more idiocy-free life, and god knows we could do with more of that.
Let’s start with the first, and arguably most famous, one: Occam’s razor. Simply put, it says that the simpler explanation for any observation is probably correct; it sort of ‘cuts away’ unnecessary assumptions. This correlates wonderfully with the Duck Test (if it quacks like a duck, swims like a duck and eats bread like a duck, it probably is a duck, as you can see above), which is probably one of my most favourite bits of logic ever. For some reason, however, many grown adults have huge difficulty comprehending this simple idea; hence the huge number of conspiracy theorists found online. Perhaps they had a traumatic incident in their childhood involving a non-duck masquerading as a duck? The world will never know.
Another extremely useful razor is given by Christopher Hitchens: that which is given without evidence (empirical evidence specifically) can also be dismissed without evidence. I still remember an argument which was taking place in my class back when I was 8 or 9. The teacher was not paying much attention to anyone, preferring instead of grade assignments for another class (it was exam season) while complaining continuously under her breath about how terrible the canteen tea was (but despite that, she would never be seen without a flask of it at hand). Naturally, kids decided to play all sorts of improvised tabletop games involving random items of stationery, mostly involving knocking each other’s belongings off the table. When the class finally ended, everyone rushed out for breaktime, leaving all their stuff haphazardly lying around. After break was over, a terrible fact was discovered: the prize stationery items were all gone! One particularly nervous boy randomly blamed a girl sitting quietly in the corner. Now, this girl – as I learned later – happened to belong to a lower-income, lower-caste family, and did not get good grades on top of that. The sight of an upper-class, smart, rich boy accusing her of stealing was enough to turn most students, and (regrettably) the teacher against her. She was called to the principal’s office right then and there. Even though the matter was eventually cleared up – there was a whole fiasco surrounding this, and it was found out that another, different girl from their friend group had (ostensibly) taken them as a prank, but had been too scared to speak up when the teacher got involved – it did leave a lasting impact on her. I don’t think I ever heard her speak above a whisper for the rest of the time I was there. I still wonder if, had the teacher decided to listen to wisdom of Hitchens, would the outcome have been different. Unfortunately, India was (and still is) deeply casteist, though that is a conversation for another article.
The razor I’ve saved for the last is also my most favourite: affectionately called Hanlon’s razor after a submission to a joke compilation, its trace can be seen across history. Its statement, in its full glory, is: ‘Never attribute to malice that which can adequately be explained by stupidity or ignorance’. Isn’t it magnificent? However, it still remains critically underused to this day. Just the other day I was scrolling through Reddit, specifically on r/AmITheAsshole, where people ask internet strangers whether they were the one in the wrong (‘the asshole’) in the various situations they seem to find themselves in. I have lurked around there enough to say that 90% of the cases are due to miscommunication, stupidity or ignorance, with only 5% having complex threads worthy of debate (The remaining 5% are present firmly in the realm of fantasy). This particular post I will talk about, however, was counterintuitive in that it was a cut-and-dried case but still generated immense bad blood in the comment section. The poster was a believer in witchcraft and the Law of Attraction, while her boyfriend was a devout Christian. Both were doing typical couple activities when she told him how happy she was that she had ‘manifested’ him. This (understandably) hurt him, and he left promptly. Here’s where things took a turn for the worse: in terms of her beliefs, ‘manifestation’ was sort of an answer to a prayer; she had wished for a good SO and got one. He didn’t know this, and assumed that she meant something like he was born just to be her boyfriend or something. She decided to call him and tell him that if he couldn’t respect her beliefs, she would break up with him; he responded by calling her some choice words and cutting off all communication. Even in the post she made, she left the idea of ‘manifestation’ unexplained, and got defensive when people assumed what her boyfriend had. In the end the post was deleted, but not before a lot of insults and scathing remarks were thrown around. If only the poster had not immediately attributed her boyfriend’s actions to malice but decided to work through the situation logically, she would have saved an entire online community from much mud-slinging while simultaneously not having to go through a messy breakup. Looking back, I really do wonder why people seem to dislike following Hanlon’s advice so much; surely all the jumping to conclusions they do would get tiring after sometime?
There are many more razors than the ones I have mentioned in this piece: there is Hume’s Guillotine, Newton’s Flaming Laser Sword, the Sagan Standard, Grice’s razor and sundry others. I would suggest sharpening all of them, since unintelligence (and indeed, anti-intelligence too) is so incredibly common that you would want at least one whetted blade on you at all times. And this, my dear readers, is the true cutting-edge of stupidity.
Proofreaders: Mokshit N. , Smit W.
